The reality of life is such that even if a couple consciously strives for a relationship on an equal footing, it is not always possible to avoid unhealthy patterns of behaviour. Among them is the situation when one partner becomes a “parent” for the other.
At first, this dynamic seems very comfortable. The “parent” may like the fact that they have a definite purpose and that someone needs them, and the “child” may like the fact that they have the opportunity to enjoy the attention and not have to take the initiative and responsibility. But it is very difficult to maintain a long and happy relationship with this role division.
Why it is possible to find yourself in the role of “parent” to a partner
The obvious explanation is that your partner may be an emotionally immature person who hasn’t yet learnt how to be an adult. But that’s not the only reason. Here are just a few examples of the many possible ones:
Your parents’ marriage was built on a similar relationship dynamic.
As a child, you were told that a potential husband or wife should be nurtured from the day you met.
In the past you faced trauma, anxiety or uncertainty and now subconsciously “mould” your partner into the kind of person you need to find a sense of stability and security.
The most effective way to find the root of the problem is to consult a psychologist. The specialist will help to find and correct the attitudes that form this pattern of behaviour.
