1. We don’t have clear roles anymore
How did it used to be? A man grows up, studies, goes to work, gets married, brings up children. A man is the head of the family and a breadwinner, a woman is a keeper of the hearth and a caring mother. The husband makes decisions, the wife obeys. He pays in the restaurant, she comes beautiful and dressed up. And so on – simple, clear and predictable scenarios. A set of rules to refer to in any unclear situation.
People are now increasingly abandoning outdated, ineffective and toxic behaviours and are increasingly concerned with their own comfort rather than conforming to other people’s expectations and standards.
Plus, women have gained more rights and more visibility, which means the balance of power in relationships has shifted. On the one hand, this is a good thing, but on the other hand, it adds complexity. There is no longer a template to fall back on. You have to study your partner, take into account his needs and peculiarities. And periodically face a complete misunderstanding and mismatch of goals and views.
For example, if a woman adheres to conservative views and wants to deal with children and household while her husband earns money, she can easily get the stigma of mercantile keeper or stupid home clutches. And if, on the contrary, makes a career and strives for full equality in relationships, easily turns out to be “fucked feminist” or “man in a skirt”.
How to behave after all and where to find “your” man is completely unclear in such circumstances.
2. We suffer from the illusion of choice
To get acquainted with someone, it is no longer necessary to go somewhere specially. Tap a couple of times on the screen, swipe left-right, write a message – it’s done. And what a choice! Thousands of people who can be filtered by age, appearance, interests. If something goes wrong with the current couple, you can always find another, and easily and quickly.
Only in reality, of course, this is a misconception. The same people who travel with us in the underground, go to work or study are registered in dating apps. And it’s just as difficult to find the right person among them, it’s just that the communication process itself has been greatly simplified.
But because of this illusion of rich choice, a person does not try to work on relationships, passes up at the first difficulties, treats the partner lightly – as something temporary. There is no reason to bother, if there is still plenty of time, and “the one” or “the one” will still have time to find, with so many options. This situation, by the way, is called a paradox or illusion of choice.
3. we receive contradictory information
In a world where almost everyone has got his own little platform from which he expresses his opinion, it is very difficult not to be confused and hear yourself.
Books say one thing, mum and dad say another, friends say a third, your favourite blogger says a fourth, the people in your relationship eavesdropping group say a fifth. And it’s not clear what the “right” relationship model is, how things “should be” and who to listen to.
This means there is a chance to misinterpret the actions of a partner, to screw yourself up and ruin everything or, on the contrary, to put on the brakes really alarm bells.
